my best friend .. you are .

my best friend .. you are .
i am broken .. ready to dissapear .. attempting to leave as little memory of myself behind as possible ..
ur average teenager .. i am .. or so youd think ..
but you know better .. you know i have demons i'm trying to defeat .. i'm losing .
i'm too weak .. to small compared to the pain of the past .. too hurt ..
you hold me in your arms and i feel safe .. i want to cry but i dont dare show my weakness .. but i know you can feel it ..
i dont dare share my burden with you ... but i want to .. i tell you of the past ..
but the details .. i could never let those demons escape through my words ..
you can feel my pain .. see it in my eyes .. you can read me like a book ..
i've know you for soo long .. spent all of my school years in your classes ..
and i want to share this broken part of me with you .. i trust you with my life .. with my soul ..and now you know my secrets ..the reason for my fears ..
kisses on the fourhead on the cheek on the lips .. show me that you care .. about me .. about my well being ..
we could never be together .. you are my best friend ..
words as soft and comforting as a fluffly blanket ..
you make me feel human .. you make me feel real .. like a normal individual ..
time spent with you is time spent in reality .
and i love you for that ..
my best friend .. you are .

goodbye .

a tear shed ..
anger, sadness, dark memories ... that i would love to burry .. but just wont seem to die .
demons obsessed with haunting me .. obsessed with driving me so insane that reality is far from my state of mind .
i have ways to cope ...
depth perception lost, stumbling accross the floor .. i drop the empty bottle .. crack .. glass .. spread accross the floor ..
i fall to the floor with a loud thud .. and i try to focus my vision .. trying not to remember the past .. trying to get over it .. trying to move on ..
i suddenly feel the urge to once again shed some blood ..
i pick up a piece of the broken bottle and stare at it .. minutes pass ..
i put the shard against my wrist .. hesitantly slice a thin line ..
i watch the thin line fill with blood .. running red dripping on my bedroom floor..
.. i like the way the flesh is exposed ..
i stumble to the bathroom .. run the earned wound under cold water .. it stings .. a lot .. i like it ..
i wipe it off with a towel .. wrap a cloth around it to stop the bleeding ..
stumble back into my room .. fall onto my bed ..
and let the acohol carry me away into a world that reality cant find .. a place where nothing exists ..
.. a deep dreamless sleep .. a coma .. closer to death then to sleep ..
and i realize that i might not wake up .. ever ..
and i'm ohkay with that ..
goodbye horrible world ..