the end of the storm .

This storm is making it easier to breathe, but harder to sleep, the thunder rumbles through the sky into my room and in my soul, lightening strikes and i feel it, electricity, running through my veins..
i can hear the rain pounding against the cement, my heart beats against my chest, anger.
alone, i'm lonely, everything slows down...
no thunder, no lightening .. just light rain dropping on the bricks.
i can smell the rain, i sit beside the open window, i look out into the darkness of the night, i am alone, sad.
Painfully lonely, and then it hits me, the sadness, like a strong slap accross the face.
tears well up and stream down my face, tears.. made up of only sadness, loneliness, emptiness.
my tears slow, and so does my breathing, my heart still beating hard against my chest, i quickly grow weak, climb into bed, hot summer air surrounding me along with the night, swallowing me into a pit of darkness, the sound of rain fades into the background and then my thoughts travel away from reality away from the world to a place only i have seen, goodbye planet earth .. until gravity wakes me ..

angry .

I'm angry ..
flustered with frustrations .. how could you ? .. how dare you ...
i just want to curl up and melt away into the grass .. and then grow tall and go undisturbed by human activity..
inhale, exhale ... i'm fine .. i answer my own questions because i'm the only one who cares enough to ask myself ..
no i dont want to listen to what you think you need .. i want you to listen to what i need .. because thats what matters right now .. cant you see ? .. its not about you this time ..
i dont want to communicate with someone who doesnt care to hear my voice ... i dont want to be surrounded by people at all ..
i want to feel the pain of loneliness .. of emptiness ... of solitude .. and i want to cry about it .
i dont want to be disturbed by other peoples problems .. i want to focus on my own ..
i want to swim in a dark blue lake under an over cast sky and slip away into a place where not even reality can disturb me ...
i want to be free from this anger .