thoughts

my body is spread out accross these blankets which i use to sleep on .. but not tonight. Tonight sleep will not bless me with its presence. so i lay awake . hour after hour. too exhausted to move. so i let the darkness cover me. lift me away out of reality. Into my thoughts . Thoughts of yesterday when we layed in the fields of green, when i was in your arms, when nothing mattered but us. thoughts move on to tomorrow .. what will happen tomorrow ? will you be there ? will you be close enough .. or will i lose you ? i'm frightened to think of what life would be like without you .. i try not to think about it .. it hurts too much .. it may sound stupid .. i may sound like a silly teenager unsure of her feelings .. but the way i feel for you is real . i could lose you easily .. so i promise i will not take you for granted ... i will love every minute .. and i will try to be perfect .. because you deserve perfection.. i'm far from it .. but the effort is worth every minute with you .. my thoughts scatter and i think of right now .. i can hear the rain .. as it pounds against the cement .. i can smell the rainkissed leaves with my face on the pillow beside the open window ..i can feel the cool air .. a breeze on my fevered skin .. i don't want to come back to reality .. i want to stay in my thoughts forever .. reality is painful .. but its real .. and i am only human .